Making Your Marriage Sweet

March 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Marriage, Self Development

Believe it or not God designed the marriage for the believer. He initiated marriage for those who love Him and His Word. It seems to me that if God initiated marriage for a man and woman then God should have the answers to keep a marriage sweet. So let’s take a look at God’s word and see exactly how a marriage should be set up. 
Genesis 2:21-24 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;  22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Originally God created man and woman to be one flesh and cleave together. Quite simply put God designed the marriage for a man and a woman. He made Adam and Eve for each other not Adam and Steve. I know that the gay marriage thing is a big controversy today, but all I am doing is presenting what the Word says about the original design of marriage. You can argue with me about this all you want, but you cannot argue with God’s Word over the original intent.

Enough about that, now let’s take a look at some of the verses in the New Testament that provide us with ways we can keep our marriages sweet. I’ve been married almost 25 years and let me tell you that though it has mostly been sweet it hasn’t always been easy. Marriage is work there is no getting around that, if you want to be married then you are going to have to work at it. Communication is paramount to keeping the fire burning in your relationship. Without consistent loving talk a marriage will most likely not make it. Lets take a look at Ephesians 5 to see what God has written about this important topic.

Ephesians 5:22-33 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,  27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The Greek word for submit here is the word hypotassō which means to place yourself under by loving obedience and a deliberate decision. I know what most ladies think when this is first shared with them! It often times is NO WAY I’m not doing that.  Once it’s explained to them clearly that this is what God’s wants them to do, and they are shown God’s intention in this section, then it becomes much simpler, and they are willing to give it a go. My wife is a natural leader, but she made the decision to submit to me.  Some key Words in verse 22 are “as unto the Lord.” The woman submits herself to her husband just as she does to the Lord. Of course the husband needs to be walking the Word of God or why should she submit to him. This submission does not mean the wife loses her voice in the marriage on the contrary a couple discusses their issues through in detail, but the man makes the final decision. I would say that my wife and I agree on things around 95% of the time. The other 5% she submits and believes God that I made the right decision.  

Men notice that in this section of Scripture the man is told to love the woman three times. I believe most men need to learn how to love a woman. God repeats this three times to the man for a reason. Men are not like women, men are logical, women are loving, and mothering. Perhaps the ladies need to teach their men how to love them. People at times men can be clumsy at loving. A man whose wife communicates her needs unto him will find he is blessed if he takes to heart what she shares, and lovingly fulfils her desires. Mind you I’m not telling you to become a whipping boy, I’m sharing with you a way to learn how to love your woman. God is putting special emphasis on the men loving their wife.

When I was a kid my parents were my example. My parents didn’t argue much and they spent most of their time together. When I grew up most families had the dad out working and the mom at home keeping the house. Today most families have both the husband and wife working full-time jobs. Now if you have both adults working in a household, but the husband expects the wife to do all the cooking and take care of the house and kids then you’re going to have a woman who is worn out and frustrated. Many times I will take care of these different jobs in our house. As an example let’s say I get home from work first, then I will start the supper. My wife and I work together to make sure our household runs smoothly. If she had to do everything to take care of our household she would be a very frustrated person. Sometimes we both will get home and I’ll recognize that she really needs to rest so I’ll take care of all the household jobs that evening. She also does the same thing for me.

Going back to Ephesians you will notice the wife is not only to submit to her husband but she is also instructed to reverence her man. Ladies put your man up on a pedestal. My wife is always telling her friends and acquaintances how great I am. She tells them how much she loves me and how much I bless her with the things I do. Men if you love your wife she will submit to you and she will reverence you. When she is your queen you will be her king.

In my opinion a husband and wife should be best friends forever, you should be laughing and enjoying each other just as you did when you first started going out. My wife and I still have a great time together. She makes me laugh with her great sense of humor and I do the same for her. One of the keys to keeping your relationship like this is to number one listen, to the needs of your spouse. If you listen to the needs of your spouse you will take care of them, and when you take care of them you will help remove whatever concern is on her heart, and you will free her so that she can enjoy herself. Another key is to not be critical of your spouse. If you get annoyed with every little thing that they do, then you won’t enjoy each other. If they don’t remove the toothpaste from the toothpaste tube who cares, don’t get caught up in arguing over stupid petty things. Enjoy Each Other!!

Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Once again God tells the wife to submit to her husband but as it is fit in the Lord. What I find interesting in these two verses is God again tells the husband to love his wife, but he also adds be not bitter against them. I find this interesting why would God add that? Is it common for men to get bitter against their woman? It must be or God would not have written the word bitter into His Word. Learning how to love a woman is perhaps what each newly wedded man should focus on. Once you get through the initial wedded bliss then a couple will tend to get into a routine that can become a day to day drudgery. It’s during this time that you really need to love other.

Men and women are made up differently, and they think differently. During the Superbowl this year there was a Pepsi Max commercial where a man and a woman were out to dinner. You got to hear the thoughts woman’s, “I wonder how much money he makes, I wonder if he loves his mother, I wonder if he’s going to lose his hair, I wonder if he wants kids, I wonder if he’s the one”? The man is only thinking about one thing, he wants to sleep with her. Though many Christians were offended by this commercial I was not. It actually portrays the difference in how men and women think fairly accurately. The woman is into relationships and security while the man on the first date is after one thing sex. Men if you want to really blessed a woman and be not bitter against them then you need to learn how they think. I’ve gotten to the point that I know what my wife is thinking. This has helped me in our relationship because when something comes up between us I am better prepared to handle the situation because I know how my wife thinks.

I could probably write over two hundred pages on this topic, but I think I’ve given you enough to think about. Just remember, when two people put God first they grow closer together. The closer you get to God the closer you will get to each other. ENJOY EACH OTHER!

I recommend the Book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus for further study.

Comments

5 Responses to “Making Your Marriage Sweet”
  1. David says:

    Interesting post Rick–I generally agree, although I’m not married. The last couple lines sums up marriage perfectly though: ‘The closer you get to God the closer you will get to each other. ENJOY EACH OTHER!’ Always good to be evenly yoked.

  2. Magnolia says:

    I have been a Christian for close to 40 years. And for those entire 40 years, I have heard over and over and over and over again that the “wife is to submit to her husband, and reverence him”

    One day, as I was reading in Ephesians, I read those verses (again) and then noticed that in that chapter alone that a woman was instructed 3 times to reverence and submit to her husband. But, that 9 (maybe 10?) verses were instructed to the husband to love his wife.

    Then I asked myself, “Why is it that when this chapter of Ephesians is quoted it is almost entirely quoted to instruct women to submit to their husbands, but you NEVER hear that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church?”

    Then I pondered the meaning of just the sheer number of verses written to men to love and honor their wives, and quite frankly, there are far more written to men regarding their behavior toward not just their wives, but their children as well.

    How many of those verses do husbands know? Do those verses pop up into their minds as easily as the verses which direct their wives to submit to them? My experience has told me “no” they don’t.

    And THAT, is a huge problem in Christian marriages. If one assumes that if God says something a lot, then perhaps it is VERY important. Perhaps even MORE important than the verses which are constantly quoted to women?

    There’s a thought for the day.

    • Rick says:

      It really takes a husband and wife with a desire to do the Word. Men in general are logical and women are more loving and relationship oriented. Men absolutely are to love their wives this how they gain that respect. When a man loves his wife, she will want to submit, because he takes care of her. It’s two people agreeing together in that relationship. The couple is to set their own proper arrangement. This submission is not talking about a man being a demanding commando, it’s talking about two people becoming one flesh living God’s Word. The woman is to submit to the man according to the Word, and the man is to love his wife according to the Word. In our church both aspects of the marriage relationship are taught, and taught very well. At times a woman needs to instruct a man in how to love her, a man being a logical person is at times clueless on how to love a woman. Communication is vital to a relationship being successful, and communication or lack thereof has been the downfall of many relationships. Every Word of God is important. Thanks for your comment.

  3. Iris says:

    Looking at all the things which are ocricrung in relationships these days, we also will need to just accept that troubles and difficulties in general are normal in all marriages. Some of the stuff that the wives and husbands could do to help themselves out of the troubles in relationship is always to do away with pre-conceived ideas and try and prevent the urge to be right each time. Also lot of us get influenced by outside opinions and judgements which is not correct. Hope people know and stick to these which will make things better for them. Also I found a good article here . Have a nice day. cheers!

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