Let Go, for Mental Peace
September 28, 2009 by Rick
Filed under Parenting, Self Development, Spiritual
Letting go in the mental category! Now that’s not quite as simple as the physical category! It’s really easy to retain the negative in life. Let’s face it the whole world lives in the negative. Television is basically negative look at most shows. There’s plenty of murder, sarcastic humor, and sadness. Commercials basically try to motivate the buyer by fear. You need to get the flu shot now or you may die or get sick with out it. Fear runs rampant in our society. The news is basically depressing and sad; there is very little good news to be found on the major networks, in the newspapers and on the radio.
Recently my daughter has gotten into a fear of everything. She doesn’t want to be in any part of the house if there is not someone there with her. At bed time the hall light has to be on. The night light in her room has to be lit and her childrens bible stories have to be playing. I believe that these fears came about from watching television. If she learns about a tornado on the weather channel, or a hurricane she is immediately concerned about it hitting in our location. It’s a project for my wife and me to help her over come these fears.
So how can you and I and my daughter get to the place that we can live above the fears and negatives of the world? What can you and I do to eliminate fear in life and stress in life? Fear is one of the biggest enemies that you and I face. Fear has caused many men to cower. It’s stopped men who could be great from winning when the pressure was on. Fear has caused many their health, wealth and freedom. It’s broken up friendships, marriages, and relationships. So let’s systematically break this down and see how we can eliminate it in our lives.
A child’s fears are often unfounded and not realistic. For instance when I was a child the great fear for me was the boogie man or monsters under the bed. A jacket hanging up on a door could look like a person in the dark. My daughter has to have a night light on at night. What a night light does is to keep away the shadow and objects at night that could look like a monster to an eight year old. Does my daughter have a reason to fear? NO she learned to fear! It’s something that most children go through, perhaps from watching scary shows on TV or having an older sibling who helps to cause them to fear.
So let’s get started and see what we can do to eliminate fear.
Proverbs has a verse that gives us a good starting point on this topic. Fear brings a snare. A snare is a trap that is used to catch an animal by stealth. The animal does not realize it is going to get trapped until it is to late.
Proverbs 29:25The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.
Look, who ever puts his trust in God is safe from the trap. So how do we trust God? Do we just pray and hope that God will be there? No in truth a trust in God involves more that just hope. It involves a believing of what his Word says. It involves prayer with believing and an expectation that God who is in you to will and to do of his good pleasure will give you the desires of your heart.
Here’s an example: Years ago when I first got involved in the Word of God. I had met this very nice beautiful girl at our fellowship. This is before I got married of course. I really developed a crush on this girl so much so that all I could think about was her. It was driving me crazy. I had to figure out a way to eliminate this constant thought of her. Did she like me? Did I say something wrong to her? What is she thinking? So I decided I needed to go to the Word and find a promise I could claim. Then I prayed with believing and got out my bible and read psalms for about an hour straight out loud. I believe God worked in my heart to do this because when I was done I no longer had the crazy thoughts and fears about this girl. In fact I was so solid in my thought processes that as time went by I realized that this girl wasn’t for me after all. She lacked a commitment to the one true God that I decided I needed in a woman.
I like to claim Mark 11: 23-24 many times when I’believe for something.
23For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. 24Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
Winning in life and eliminating fear involves claiming promises in Gods Word. Once a person is born again they can still live in fear if they want. God never over rides free will, however if they go to God’s Word and renew their mind to it. They will be successful and overcome in their life.
Romans 12: 1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
See God does not want us conformed to this world of doubt, worry, and fear. He wants us to prove the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Positive believing is acceptable to God. It will be acceptable to you also as you claim the promise. The word transformed here is the greek word Metamorphoo. It’s like the caterpillar going in to the chrysalis, it changes and comes out a butterfly it has wings and the freedom to fly. Going into the chrysalis the caterpillar is limited in what it can do. There is greater freedom and mobility when it comes out. Renewing your mind will change your life, it will give you the peace that passes understanding and bring you freedom from fear in your thought processes.
You ask but Rick how do I renew my mind? What do I need to do in order to get my mind renewed?
It’s really quite simple. Let’s say that you have something you are believing for in your life. It may be spiritual, or it may be in the physical category, or it may be in the mental category, which we have been focusing on.
My wife is originally from the big city, New York. She had no driving experience in her twenties. She lived in a city where they have a subway, a great bus system, and plenty of taxis’. Driving was not something she knew how to do. It was foreign to her and something that was a real challenge in her mind. The mental anguish and fear that it brings could easily have overwhelmed her. The renewed mind is what got her through. Here’s what she did! She had a fear of being in an accident. It’s one thing to ride as a passenger in a car. It’s another thing to actually drive one. Look at it this way, when your driving you have multiple tasks you are performing. You need to steer, pay attention to mirrors, keep track of the cars around you, utilize your turn signals, at times turn on the heater or AC, adjust the radio, pay attention to traffic lights, pedestrians and animals. For a new person that can be overwhelming. My wife picked out the following verses.
Psalm 91:4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
In order to overcome she had to see her self driving the car. She studied the words shield and buckler from God’s Word. God is a shield. Her mind set was of God as a shield around the car. She trusted that he would protect her, as I taught her how to drive. Any time she started to doubt or worry about driving she would go in her mind to trusting that God is her shield and buckler, and that he would always be there with her. She would literally claim the promise of God and see herself driving the car successfully. Gradually as she continued to learn and improve in her skills her confidence grew. Today she is a great driver. She let go of her fear by claiming the promise of God, and seeing herself doing the task of driving.
Besides the renewed mind another major key to letting go is the art of communication. Not talking has been the downfall of many a relationship, friendship, and marriage. Lets face it the Word of God says:
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
When people do not resolve issues and points of contention in their relationships they end up carrying around thoughts that cause anxiety and fear. Just like my being so caught up in thinking about that girl. If I had communicated with her I could have resolved the issue sooner. When my wife and I don’t resolve things and go to bed upset at each other our sleep is usually a poor night of sleep. The anxiety of the night is not worth allowing ourselves the lousy night of sleep. So we stay up and talk until the issue is resolved.
A simple solution to worrying about what someone else is thinking is to ask them. When we talk to each other it is easier to bring peace to our minds, because whatever issues we have before the conversation can be brought out into the open and the ended. Men are not usually as good as women at communicating, but sharing your heart with another is easily learned.
So we’ve seen that letting go in the mental category involves renewing the mind to God’s word and claiming the promises he has in his Word. Success is guaranteed if God’s people will do this. We’ve also seen that communication is so vital in helping to let go of the stress and anxiety that the lack of communication can bring. We don’t let the sun go down our wrath. Let go and let God deliver you from your fears.
Love Your Children
I noticed many moons ago that my children respond to love. It is interesting to see the difference in how they need to be loved. My son will be 16 in August and my daughter just turned 8. My son’s main response to most questions are I don’t know. He doesn’t like to be seen with his parents and often requests that we not talk to the other kids parents when we arrive at their house to pick him up. It’s like he is a secret agent who may get his cover blown if we happen to converse with the enemy parents. I’m sure most parents can relate to this because they probably in some way did not want to be seen with their parents when they were teenagers. For me it is hard to remember that far back and all the garbage I was going through with the hormones and the acne and the insecurities I had about myself. I do remember that my parents always loved me no matter what I did.
My wife and I do all that we can to bless and love our son. We endeavour to build him up and tell him how great he is. We hold him to standards that he is expected to adhere to. Oh and we do talk to the other children’s parents when we pick our son up. I spent most of the last four years coaching him in baseball in an effort to build his character and confidence. I’m a firm believer that every father should be involved in his child’s life. (Have you seen the movie The Rookie. Jimmy Morris played by Dennis Quaid has a father who never had time for him when he was growing up. Consequently the two never really developed a close father, son bond. I have done whatever I can to help him through adolescence, and so has my wife. Believe me it would have been easier for me to do my own thing and not spend hours upon hours coaching baseball. I love my son and want the best for him I like spending time with him and, I will do whatever it takes to set him up for success not only now, but later in life also.
Love is not the lovey dovey mishmash garbage you see going on today where the parents allow their children to play video games all day and do whatever they want. To often children have no parameters and end up holding the parents hostage with their disobedience and rebellion. Another mistake some parents will make is to defend their children even though what the child did is totally wrong. Usually these type of parents have children that are totally unruly and constantly causing heartache and headaches for the parents and anyone else that comes in contact with the child. Love is establishing standards and then holding your children to the standards. I wrote a post not long ago called Discipline Your Child a Biblical Perspective which I would suggest you check out after reading this article.
Now not everyone is into the Bible and that is Ok, but what I’m sharing here is true whether you are into the Bible or not. Children Respond to Love .
Girls are so much different than boys. My daughter is miss love and miss demanding at the same time. She can be so sweet and tender and yet demand you do something in the same breath. She can also be very dramatic when she doesn’t get her way. I hate to say it but I usually end up laughing when she becomes the crying drama queen. I know thats terrible but when she gets going it is so funny. Of course me laughing only upsets her more. The key in loving her is not giving in to her crying, but hold her to the standard that my wife and I have set as a parents. Love is setting boundaries and holding your children to them. Love is caring and being there when your children need you. The nice thing about her is she is quick to change her mind after the tirade.
My mom used to do something that I’ve never forgotten and I’ve utilized in raising our children. When I would get in trouble and my mom would get mad at me and discipline and punished me, she would always come back to me after all was said and done, and hug me and tell me she loved me. I believe this is a huge key in loving your children into obedience. Even though I was upset and reaping the consequences of my disobedience I always knew that mom still loved and cared for me.
So rise up and love your children. Give them boundaries and hold them to the boundaries. Love them by going back to them and letting them know that you love them after they have been disciplined. And above all spend time with them. Give them what they need a loving heart that cares for them.
Discipline Your Child a Biblical Perspective
You can’t help but notice all the craziness that goes on in the world today concerning the raising of children. There are many theories and ideas presented by people from all walks of life on the topic of disciplining children. The question has to come to mind who is right? Is it the psychiatrist, the psychologist, your local neighborhood writer or the blogger who has an interest in kids? Perhaps we should go back to the source of truth on child rearing to see what God’s perspective is on raising children. God being perfect has to be right!
As a parent who is a Christian it is important for us to be able to believe and trust God to raise our children. Proverbs is a good place for a believing godly parent to start.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Parents as you work the Word of God and get an understanding of Him you will gain a knowledge of how to handle situations with your children, and He will direct your steps!
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
The word rod in this verse is the word shebhet in hebrew which is switch, or staff a stick. So how do you utilize the rod to correct your children? For us today the rod could be a wooden spoon or your hand. Giving your child a tap on the butt or thigh with the rod is designed only to get their attention so that you can reprove them. Reproof is given to bring the child back to the right doctrine or instruction. Wisdom is the knowledge of the doctrine applied. Here’s an example:
One day I walked into our bathroom and found a smear of toothpaste on the mirror. As I proceeded to scan the bathroom I notice a glob of toothpaste on the sink another pile on the toilet seat and a final heap on the floor. At the time my daughter was only about a year old and my son was eight years old. Now my wife in all the years we have been married has never left the bathroom with toothpaste scattered all over the place. My daughter who wasn’t walking yet would have had alot of work to do to get up on the sink and get at the toothpaste to spread it around. So by the process of elimination I called my son into the bathroom and asked him what happened. Of course I got the true child response that is perhaps the most common thing a child says when asked a question where they fear they may be in trouble. He said “I don’t know” so I replied “son I’ve been with your mom for fourteen years and she has never left globs of toothpaste all over the bathroom. Your sister is to small to get at the toothpaste so I know she did not do it. You are not in trouble just tell me if you did this.” After some prodding he finally owned up and said he made the mess. “What happened?” I asked. “Well I was having trouble get the toothpaste out of the tube so I shook it.”
We had never instucted him on the art of getting toothpaste out of a tube that was almost empty so shaking the tube makes logical sense. I proceed to show him how to roll the toothpaste container up from the bottom of the tube. This instruction is the doctrine he needed to get the toothpaste out of the tube. Once my son was instructed the rod and reproof are used to correct him if it happens again. Let’s say I walked into the bathroom on another day and discovered toothpaste all over the bathroom again. I would bring him into the bathroom give him a tap on the butt to get his attention and then I would remind him (the reproof) of the doctrine I had showed him. I’m happy to say that since I instructed my son he has followed the doctrine and I have not found toothpase in odd places since.
Notice the conclusion of the above verse states that a child left to himself brings his mother shame. A child who has no reproof and correction and is allowed to do whatever he or she wants can only be trouble for the parents and bring shame to the mom. I didn’t come up with that God did!
Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
People children are foolish, they don’t always think clearly and sometimes they do really dumb things. The rod is utlized by the parent to drive the foolishness from a child. It’s giving the child a small tap on the butt or thigh not to hurt the child but to get his or her attention so that you can instruct them as to what you want them to do. Let’s face it correcting children is not always easy but it is absolutely necessary. The best time to do the correcting is at the point of the foul. I know it is not always convenient to reprove a child (especially when your favorite show just came on) at the point of error however it is vitally important to make the correction at this time if at all possible.
Proverbs 23:13-14
13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Beatest here is the hebrew word Nakah- which means to strike (it could be light or severely) Here it could not mean to strike severely or there would be no deliverance of the soul. If parents are beating there kids really severely that is going to put the child in fear of their parents. The bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind. So the striking of the child has to be lightly to get their attention. You are getting your childs attention because you love them and want the best for them. I know that there are many people that believe you should never strike a child, but God says that if you do, it’s not going to kill them in fact it will deliver their soul from hell. When a child is trained up in the way he should go when he is old he will not depart from it. Why? The years of training have given them a standard that the parents got them to follow by the constant reproof that was done out of love for the child.
Proverbs 19:18
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Chasten means to correct or discipline. People don’t stop correcting your child because they cry. My daughter loves to put on the tears when we decide to do something she doesn’t like. Don’t give in, if you do you are teaching them that crying gets them what they want. Better yet make them more unhappy by using the rod so they realize that you mean what you say. By holding the line you will find your children will follow your direction because they will know you mean what you say.
Now Let’s talk about disciplining a teenager. Teens are not going to repond to the tap with the rod. Their discipline is slightly different than a younger child. There needs to be a consequence for not obeying the standard that the parents have set. The question you can ask is what will your punishment be? I will say this it needs to be something that they really don’t like. Perhaps taking away their cell phone, or the car for a few days. The main key is to follow up on what you have done and stick to your guns until the period of punishment is over.
Anyway it’s good to apply what God says on how to raise children. It works, everyone I know who has applied what has been shared here in raising children, has children who are blessed and their parents are also counting their blessings, because their children do what they are instucted to do. As I wrote in another post you leave a lasting impression on your children. The question to ask yourself is what kind of impression am I leaving? Is it one that the parent and children are happy, or is it a relationship where the children are rebelious which makes both parties unhappy.
Teach Your Children to Make Decisions
The other day my son came to me and told me he did not want to go to a music meeting. I’ve been teaching him that life is full of choices that I wasn’t going to make him go but he had to make a decision. I asked him if he committed to do go to these meetings and he said yes however he said that when he agreed to go to the first meeting that he didn’t know that it was going to turn into a series of meetings with a great deal of commitment. I told him that I was going to get him the phone number of the gentleman that is coordinating these meetings and he could call this man and let him know that he was not going to attend.
When a young child becomes a teenager I believe it is important for them to begin taking account for their own actions and handle their responsibilities by making calls and handling appointments. Now I taught him that it is important to stick to the commitments he has made, but I want him to learn to make his own decisions. At times he is going to get consequences from the decisions he makes but life is about choices and it won’t be to long before my young son is a man and out on his own. The key to making a mistake is learning from the mistake and making changes.
He must have thought things through in the end and realized he had made the commitment because he changed his mind and went to the meeting anyway. Maybe he is learning something from me!
You Leave a Lasting Impression on Your Children
Last night I stumble on to an article that was written by one of my children about loves true soul mate. It was a love story that rang close to being true to how my wife and I actually met and got married.
Over the years my wife and I have been totally in love with one another and we have exemplified that to our children. Love is something that children see and identify with, it’s something that every man woman and child desires. So when I came across this story I was amazed at the lasting impression my wife and I had on our young upstarts.
Think about this folks, what we parents do, has an impact on our children that is undeniable. For instance if my wife and I fought all the time we would have children that grew up in a home that arguing and anger would seem normal to them. They in turn would most likely act the same with each other and with their spouse when they got married.
My wife and I hardly ever fight or argue but when we do have disagreements and differences of opinion we tend to settle them quietly and generally not in front of our children. Lets face it marriage is work that is not always easy, but the rewards for doing the work are great. Parents the mark you leave on your children will greatly depend on how you handle your personal home life affairs.
My children see the love that my wife and I have for each other. They observe how we seldom quarrel. For them our relationship is the norm for how a couple should live life. Totally in love!!!
In retrospect I expect that the apple will not fall far from the tree. I’m believing that what our children learn from us they will apply now and when they get older and develop a romantic relationship of their own.
Kids Obey Right Away/ Marriage is First
The other day we sat our kids down to have a little chat. They’ve gotten in the habit of subtly disobeying. We will ask them to do something and they won’t do it right away.
Read more
Teach Your Kids to Love to Work
Parents instruct your children to love to work. It’s a sad state of affairs when I look at the work ethic of most kids today. They have so been acclimatized to doing what they want by playing video games all day and watching TV that when they get out in the work force they don’t do anything more than the boss asks them. Read more
Believing Instruction is the Key
I walked into the bathroom one day and noticed the mirror had a white smear on it, my eyes then dropped down to the sink and I saw a glob of toothpaste on the sink, I looked down at the floor and there was another wad of toothpaste there along with another one on the toilet seat.
Now I have two children, at that time one was eight years old and the other was about nine months old. I knew the nine month old did not do this and I made the assumption that my wife (who in fifteen years of marraige had never sprayed toothpaste all over the bathroom) was not the culprit, so I called my son.
When I pointed the mess out to him the first reaction he had was to deny he was involved. Now kids tend to think that they are in trouble when confronted with a situation like this but I assured him he was not in trouble I just needed to know what happened. After some prodding he finally told me that the toothpaste was getting low and he was having trouble squeezing the toothpaste out so he shook it. He simply was not instructed on how to do this.
Thinking about this day in retrospect I realized just how much my children need constant instruction Proverbs says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 23:12 Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.
Due to my instruction my son has never sprayed toothpaste all over the bathroom again. Let’s face it instruction is continual parents we need to teach, teach, teach. The key in teaching is to teach with believing and love. Children need to know that they are loved and they will respond to your loving instruction.
Dads put the remote down and spend some time with you kids. They need you and want to spend some time learning from you. I coached my sons baseball team for four years not because I wanted to spend most of my time coaching. I coached baseball because I love my son and wanted to help him grow not only in his baseball skills but also in areas of personal growth and development. I look back on the baseball coaching day with a sense of joy and accomplishment. I’m very thankful for that time I got to spend with my son.